Table of Contents
Upon arrival at the B2B community, I had absolutely no intention of staying. I carried less than 30 days sobriety and lost all hope and desire. Any belief I may have once had in staying sober was destroyed after 7 years of using and 6 failed attempts in treatment centers. I was hopeless, broken, and felt I was to be eternally trapped by self-hatred and addiction.
In the midst of all the chaos and destruction, I often found serenity when I allowed myself a moment alone in nature. I would feel a sense of longing and feel happy and sad at the same time. There is something about the world’s natural beauty that can begin to heal emotional wounds, help one become in tune with themselves, and calm the raging storm inside one’s heart.
Being given the opportunity to explore and camp out in the wilderness each week on top of having a strong recovery foundation back home is something I will be forever grateful for. Most people, especially addicts and alcoholics, are unaware of their full potential to succeed and go past their comfort zone. It takes a great deal of physical and mental perseverance to hike multiple miles in the wilderness. I often become agitated, frustrated, and emotional during the hikes because for so long I’ve been telling myself I won’t ever amount to anything. I’m weak, worthless, and other self-damaging beliefs. However, after I complete the hike, I feel such a strong sense of accomplishment that I never feel anywhere else.
Another aspect to the camping trips I appreciate is the chance to escape from my self-limiting beliefs and society’s pressure to appear a certain way. As a young woman in recovery who greatly struggles with low self-esteem, it’s such a freeing feeling to abstain from wearing makeup and constantly disapproving of my physical appearance. The experience allows me to really discover my true self.
This week, we traveled to the Grand Canyon to spend two nights on the South Rim and descends 5,000 ft. into the canyon. The view was absolutely breath taking. From growing up in Detroit, with nothing but concrete, stress, and always watching my back, to being able to witness one of the greatest beauties in the world was amazing. The hike where we descended into the canyon was brutal but very fun as well. I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself for accomplishing something so physically and mentally challenging. The entire journey left me with feelings of satisfaction and contentment.
I still struggle with self-doubt, self-hatred, fear of the possible inability to stay sober, and sadness, but I have hope that I can overcome my addiction and learn to respect and love the person I am today. In all honesty, Back 2 Basics Soberliving has given me the best recovery tools out of any treatment center I have gone to for help before.