Diaries of a B2B Client: Completing the Program

As I sit here writing this I’m a few days short of completing the six month inpatient program. My last day falls on the 28th of December. I include this because last year, on that same date, I was laying in a hospital bed recovering from a heroin overdose. All I could think of was how my life ended up there, and speculated where I would find myself in the future. Without a doubt in my mind I can say I would’ve never imagined I’d be where I am today, and for that I am truly grateful.

I came into this program into this program desperate and exhausted in every aspect. Armed with some willingness and a desire to change, to experience a different way of life. At first I didn’t know if I was going to last six months, my head clouded with doubts and a case of anxiety that had plagued me my whole life. But I nurtured the willingness and immersed myself in the program. I found that the more I invested into this the more I got in return.

I was set up with a great therapist who helped me get in touch with my spirituality and taught me how to deal with and overcome my anxiety. I came to respect him a lot and looked forward to our sessions. I was able to begin to figure out who I really am, and create an identity a life for myself – one outside of drugs and booze, one I can be proud of. The work wasn’t always easy, but I’ve come to realize that things worth while rarely are. And right there with you are a group of guys going through the same thing as you are.

This community can be sometimes frustrating as living in close quarters with a dozen other guys can be. However, it is also a place where I’ve learned a lot and created some really strong friendships. We go on trips together, experience the highs and lows and how to live a sober life together. Most of all it helped teach me how to live and accept people. Something I had ignored previously in life.

The trips we go on can be rugged and intense, but I’ve seen and done things I didn’t even know existed. Some of the best were rafting down the Colorado river in the Grand Canyon, bouldering in Joshua Tree, and even hiking to Angel’s Landing in Zion, even though I’m afraid of heights. A smaller group of us even got to go surfing in Mexico. We took Spanish classes down thee and went to A.A. meetings. An experience I’ll never forget.

While many times it was easy to forget I was in a rehab while doing some amazing things. Sobriety is taken seriously and through B2B I was exposed to A.A. Going to meetings was a chore at first, but eventually I started not to mind them and even enjoyed them. I got a sponsor and worked the steps, and without even knowing it, A.A. has become an integral part of my life.

Looking back, I’ve changed a lot, learned a lot and I’d be lying if I said my life is perfect. There are bad days, but now I’m equipped to deal with them and the willingness has grown. For once I’m willing to work for my future and its including school and the transition program at B2B. Theres still a lot of work to do with repairing my family relationship and keeping my sobriety on point. But I’ve realized this is a good place for that. And I’m extremely grateful for B2B for being a platform and a program for me to grow, work on myself, and work on my relationships, and I can say I’m finally happy. Something I looked for in drugs but found in sobriety.

Before arriving at Back2Basics my life was pretty unmanageable and awful. I had been strung out on opiates for a while and found myself wanting to stop but not being able to. The quality of people I surrounded myself with were the bottom of the barrel junkies and I didn’t care about any of them and none cared about me. I did have people in my life that cared about me or I would not have had the chance to get to Back2Basics!

I arrived on a Wednesday and it took a little period of adjustment. I had reached that point of desperation and was ready to do whatever it took to live a different life. The program is pretty comprehensive on learning how to live sober. Most of us come in here with life skills that are not up to par, and the staff and interns are very helpful at getting you up to snuff on the routine. After a little while it isn’t hard at all, it is just what you do.

There were many roadblocks during my stay, the first of which was learning how to deal with very annoying people. It took me a while to be able to tolerate them. Now I can just let them do their thing and it doesn’t affect me so much, not to say they don’t annoy me anymore but I just try and tolerate them and realize it is their problem and not mine. Living in a community is hard. We all have to function as a group and it is very frustrating when someone won’t pull their weight. Or just won’t get with the program. There are things asked of you that you probably won’t want to do, but if you can just put your head down and do it to the best of your ability you will feel better and feel accomplished.

I would try and help people with realizing that when I would see them argue or question why something needs to be done. In life there will be many things you don’t want to do. It is a life skill that at the end of the day I would have a roof over my head and fresh food to eat.

The program has a lot to offer. The outdoor program is probably the thing that kept me here. It took a little bit to get my body back in shape and to enjoy the hikes. It was always nice to communicate with God in a beautiful setting somewhere. I got a chance to see a lot of really beautiful places and do a lot of really good things while I was here. Being a part of this community was a very fulfilling experience and I am grateful to have completed. Now the real work begins!

A Change of Heart

I was extremely bitter when I was presented with an opportunity to get help I was furious and did not want to make the commitment even though I really was seeking help. Through Back2Basics my parents were able to get a hold of an interventionist to help them through the process. If it wasn’t for the help that Back2Basics was willing to offer my parents and me, I would have never made it here and who knows where I would be. I guaranteed it wouldn’t be good. I flew from Omaha, Nebraska to Flagstaff, Arizona regretfully at the time. I ended up getting to the house and was immediately welcome by everyone but I still was not into the whole thing. My original reasons for coming here were for my parents and girlfriend, but that wasn’t going to keep me sober and happy.

After a while of overcoming physical and mental setbacks I had spiritual awakening and started to enjoy life and realized I wanted to do this for myself. Back2Basics taught me the basics of starting to live my life like a normal person again from making my best to talking to people with respect, as well as, working out problems.

One of the aspects of Back2Basics that was awesome was all of the outdoor trips. Since I’ve been here I have been on trips that I will never forget and this also showed me that sobriety can be even more fun than my best day using. Another vital part of my stay here was the community that I have been living in. We all were going through the same struggle and I could relate to them all and I will probably be friends with a lot of them for my whole life.

Another important part was the staff and therapists. The staff have been through our same struggles so they all know what what we are going through and they know how to effectively help. The therapists are all great. They each have their own specialty that can fit your needs.

I wasn’t a fan of therapy before I got here but after being able to get things off my chest and just talk about things I am struggling with is extremely relieving. They advice the therapists give you enables you to have a different outlooks on things, and find new ways to cope. The next most important thing to me was the family weekends. The weekend consists of therapy and being able to hang out with your family and establish a healthy relationship with them again. The therapy sessions were great and I explained to them what addiction was like and it gave them a much better understanding of my disease. Also talking through family issues and how they can better help is definitely going to be crucial in my recovery.

All in all this program has gotten my family close together than ever even though they are 1000 miles away. It just feels good that I am a son again. The next step for me is the next phase of recovery that Back2Basics offers which is the transition program. I feel that is the next best thing for me. Its less structured and yet a safe place for me to continue my recovery. I believe that it is going to make me the person that I want to be. Also it is going to allow me to be self supporting and I am starting school again which I am excited for. Going to school sober has got to be like cheating!