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Since Our Colorado Adventure Therapy Trip a lot has been happening at Back 2 Basics Sober Living.
These last weeks since the Colorado trip have been interesting to say the least. When we arrived back in Flagstaff after a very cramped 11 hour car ride we stopped at the house briefly to shower and collect ourselves. However, we then set off for the Alcoholics Anonymous Gratitude Banquet where the clients who remained at home had been preparing food all day.
Immediately upon arrival we went to the kitchen and began to wash the mountain of dishes awaiting us. Once we finished we were able to fellowship with those there and enjoy the festivities. It was good to see what seemed like the entire Flagstaff AA community present. It was also very interesting noticing that four months ago this event would have been nothing but a large room full of strangers. However in that short amount of time I know or recognize virtually everyone present. It made me feel less like an outsider obliged to be present, but rather, an active participant in this community.
This made me think more deeply as AA as a whole. When I first entered the rooms I relied heavily on a critical nature to differentiate myself from and also discredit the program and those in it. Some of my many defects of character are my self righteousness and critical nature and attempt to utilize them as much as possible. To find hypocrisy or faults in anyone or anything (especially AA.)
However the simplicity of the program made it difficult for me to find points of contention. In addition, the limitless and provoked kindness of those in AA was a point of much frustration for me. I couldn’t comprehend their motives. From my past I have always been skeptical of others’ intentions and what they are attempting to accomplish. I was always distrustful of others but being involved with drugs and especially drug addicts tends to amplify one’s reliance on it.
However over time the AA community’s unprovoked kindness and willingness to help became disarming. Eventually I came to realize that these were no motives other than to help their fellows. Like in Bill’s story in the Big Book I also thought the brotherhood of men was a grim jest. But in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I found a brotherhood for brotherhood’s sake.
Only in AA will I walk into a room and before knowing someone’s name or shaking their hand they already know my struggle and I know there’s, more so than I’d ever really even like to admit. This allows us to have a greater understanding of each other to an extent that not even my family and closest friends could ever. After the gratitude banquet we had a week in town and usually these weeks are pretty uneventful.
However, this week was not uneventful. Du to certain confrontations between staff and other clients a new member of the group concluded that Back2Basics was not the best program for him. Seeing this about to happen and telling that he was moments away from leaving I took him aside and talked to him about how he was feeling. I tried to give him my perspective on how this program may seem difficult and how he might not understand some of the program’s aspects outside AA.
During our conversation I felt no matter what I said, he was set in what he felt he should do. However, it still was difficult to watch him pack his bags and leave. I felt there must have been something I could have done or something I could have said. He was gone for two days but after the second day he returned after talking with his sponsor. It was later that day in a community that he expressed to me that even though at the moment my words were falling on deaf ears he heard the message I was trying to convey later when he thought about them. It felt good to know all my effort to help wasn’t in vain and that I did play a role in helping him find awareness of the right path for him.
I’ve noticed the value in the 12th step through situations like this. That helping other alcoholics/addicts is the best way to keep sober cause I can see my own struggle through theirs. And most of all I can see the points where my sobriety could have been derailed through theirs. Also during this week a client who came around the same time as me was reprimanded heavily for multiple confrontations with staff. After he was forced with B2B’s consequences for his actions he was also faced with numerous facts about himself that he wasn’t aware of. We had a long conversation about this and we came to many interesting conclusions. We realized that a large portion of your few months at B2B is more emphasized at mastering, well, the basics of the program. Things such as waking up on time, doing dishes, cooking, camping, etc.
However, after a period of time and you’ve mastered these things for the most part the rest of the program you need to focus the vast majority of your effort inward at yourself and deal with you issues and most of all your defects of character. We came to the conclusion that his character defects were revealed through specific circumstances that gave staff the opportunity to put him in a position to force him to be aware and deal with his character defects right then and there.
What I’ve noticed of myself through this is that my defects of character manifest themselves in much more subtle but just as destructive and dangerous ways in my sobriety. So far they haven’t caused situations in which I have been forced to address them such as him. But I feel I need to make the extra effort to be aware of them and foster positive coping skills in response to them with the tools I have been given. A lot has changed since our Colorado adventure and the therapy continues on.