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Today I wanted to write about a couple of revelations that I’ve had in the past week or so, and how they will affect my recovery and future. These have taken me a while to ‘unlock’ if you will, but after quite a bit of work on my spiritual self, self refection, and a beginning shift of perception, it came to me mostly during my daily meditations.
The first was the realization that I have spent most of my adult life fixing others problems and protecting others, because I was helpless in solving and fixing my own. So I made sure to help as many people as I could because I saw myself as a lost cause, resigned to my fate, and didn’t want others to make the same mistake as me. I was able to do this because most of my career in the Army I was in a leadership role, and really able to make a difference in my soldiers lives. Since coming here, I’ve been able to continue to help others, but for the first time in years, I’ve had someone to lean on myself and have been able to voice my own issues and reflect on them, which in turn has allowed me to grow in areas that i had previously tried to stifle growth, such as emotions, compassion and the concept of spirituality.
The second revelation I’ve had has to do with the soul. I’ve come to realize that the soul is infinite, and will continue being long after my physical body has turned to dust. That my personality is separate from my soul, and unaware for the most part that its there, but that these odd moments of compassion and understanding where there used to be hatred and judgement is my soul peeking through.
I’ve come to realize the karmic nature of things and if I put good out into the world, good will come to me, and my personality and soul will become more aligned, and I will become more empowered. I’ve realized that almost every contact that we have made as humans is external power, based on ‘survival of the fittest’ ideals. Governments, stock markets, everything we do gives to some and takes from others, rather than everyone voluntarily helping each other, because we as flawed beings crave power and things to wield over others. I used to think being powerful was being the toughest dude in the room, being ‘that guy’ that everyone feared or respected and became that. Now I believe real empowerment is the ability to show compassion and care for everyone and the creatures that share this planet, and while I will always be the first to be willing to fight to protect what is right and what I love, I believe the truest state of being I can achieve is a ‘Peaceful Warrior’. One whose presence can stop fights and end arguments, but not pass judgement while helping those people amend their differences. I could probably go on for another few pages about this, but this is my new philosophy, and I’m sure I’l talk more and go more in depth into it in the future.
Client Journal by Tim