Blake – My 6 months
So as I come to the end of my six month stay at B2B I cannot help but to reflect on my experiences. I have learned so much about myself and recovery. When I come into program I knew nothing of integrity or how to take any sort of responsibility for my actions. I was all about what I could get away with or how to get out of anything. Be that trouble or responsibility. My stay started off well I was happy to be here and thought I was ready to quit using. I quickly learned that this was not going to be an easy six months. I started to realize I was not this great person I had come to believe that I was. The staff at Back to Basics quickly pointed that out to me. I had to accept that I had issues and work through them. This whole program has been a great experience and has showed me a lot beyond how to get clean.
My first real experience here was in the Grand Canyon. We went on a hike and I was not ready for it physically or mentally. I remember how mad and unaccepting I was the night before and how miserable I was on the hike. I barely made it out. This showed me a lot of things. First and foremost it showed what I was truly capable of. The second was accepting more how much acceptance can help in any situation, especially one you may not want to deal with. Had I, instead of fighting and complaining about the task at hand, mentally I would have taken more away from that hike sooner that what I have now looking back on it. I can apply that concept to literally any situation I am in. The thing I learned from this hike was to trust people, guys I barely knew were practically carrying me out of the end of the hike, two of them actually ran ahead to cook me food and get water for me.
So if we fast forward to about half way into my stay we see a person who is struggling to get through the program. I was not learning or changing and I was being a huge dick for lack of a better word. Back to Basics realized this and quickly took action. They took my clothes and most of my belongings for about a month to make me earn it. This didn’t work. I still was not where I should have been in my program. They then saw fit to send me on a solo camping trip for five days. This helped me. I learned a lot about myself. I wrote about seven pages of stuff about myself, about recovery. I also completed my fourth step in the AA program. It was another valuable learning opportunity. At first, I thought these were extreme measures but that is what it took to get through to me. I told my therapist that anything more and I would have discharged, but anything less and I wouldn’t have gotten the message and subsequently would not have changed.
I am now two weeks away from graduating the residential program. And I am lucky to be able to attend the second “transition” portion of the program. I’ve learned more about myself than I could possibly write about. While there have been ups and downs in my stay here I am still open to learning more which I know I will. I’ve seen residents come and go. I was even able to convince one who was leaving to stay. Though it is sad to see someone leave, it made me realize how much I want this. A life free from my shortcomings, maybe not entirely free from my faults but the ability to work on them is something I am determined to maintain. I look forward to what life has next for me, which was not the mindset I came in with. I t was quite the opposite in fact. If I keep myself accountable and humble, I know I have a real shot at this.
