Table of Contents
My life revolved around getting high about six months ago. Anything I could get my hands on, I would take. It ranged from oxycontin to hallucinogens to alcohol. Although this is addict behavior, I didn’t think there was a problem because I had a full time job and I was still attending college. So in my mind, there was no way I was an alcoholic/addict. I was just young and having fun, which is what I thought every young person does. What I didn’t realize was that most people don’t steal to get drugs or do drugs all by themselves in a basement. The only reason I recognized that this is addict behavior is because of my step work and my meetings with my sponsor.
My first meeting with my sponsor began with working on the first step which is admitting that addicts are powerless over alcohol and our lives become unmanageable. I wrote everything down that has happened to me throughout my life from broken relationships, getting kicked out of school, stealing, and so much more. When I had them written down in front of me, I was able to see how much my addiction affected my life. It was not hard to admit that I had a problem and except step one in the recovery process.
The second step was pretty difficult for me because I couldn’t remember that last time I had a higher power. My sponsor and I talked about being agnostic and his idea of his higher power. Having my sponsor explain this to me really helped because it helped reinforce me that a higher power doesn’t have to be God or religion. I still don’t know what my higher power is but I now know that I have a small building block to work with.
Step three, which is handing my life and will over to the care of God, was pretty easy for me. I have never been a big fan of responsibility so the idea that I can throw all my problems to my higher power is a nice feeling to have. Every morning I start the day out by saying the third step prayer which always starts my day out well.
Step four, was pretty difficult because I had to dig up a lot of the things from the past, resentments, fears, and sexual inventories. Looking at a piece of paper with all your secrets on it is pretty powerful, but at the same time it shows you who you really are. This step was also very useful because I am a person who bottles up my emotions, so this allowed me to start expressing how I feel.
I just finished my step five, where I told my sponsor and God what my fourth step was. This was really intense because it was opening up everything I’ve been struggling with and feeling for the past 20 years. Although it was hard, it helped having someone share their input on my past actions, especially because I missed things about myself. My sponsor was able to show me where I neede work on. Overall the steps do help and I’m glad I get to do them at Back 2 Basics Soberliving.