Table of Contents
Before coming to Arizona
Before coming to Arizona I was physically a mess and didn’t really do anything that would help me get into better shape. But being an outdoor adventure based approach I’ve had to do a lot of hiking. At first I really felt as though there would be no way I could do the hikes that were going to come in the future. But since being here I’ve tried to take a proactive approach in some situations. Hiking, being one of them. After my first hard hike which was 8 miles, I decided that I would start running at the gym. And it’s definitely improved my hiking ability.Last weekend we did the hardest hike I’ve done yet. And for me it was definitely tough but there was never the thought that I couldn’t do it. Where as in the past I’ve had the thought, ‘Can I really do this?’ Obviously I made it, and it helped with this past hike as far as breaking me in for what is yet to come. But one of the most satisfying feelings for me is to finish something that not your average person can do. And I like the feeling of pushing my body to it’s limit’s and seeing what I really am capable of. So when we were on the last day of our hike last week we were probably 7-8 miles out and people were lagging behind and at first it was really frustrating for me to be held up by the other residents. but i made myself shut my mouth and think about how they might be feeling and what their bodies are able to do. And I realized that I have control issues for sure and also unrealistic expectations of myself and especially others’. I’m always getting upset if they don’t meet them and having had outside help I’ve come to realize I’m a control freak and I want others to do things my way. Which is not really reasonable. There are so many personalities and diverse backgrounds of people I will drive myself crazy thinking there is only one right way of doing certain things. And some days it can really effect my mood and how I persuade others. Which for me leads to having resentment which in AA they say is the number one offender to alcoholics. Leading to relapse. I’m the past that is a very true fact for myself. Honestly the good days here for me feel really good. and I’ve been living in misery for the majority of my life and I really want to work on those things that drive me back to that state of mind. Although it’s probably one of the things I struggle with most I feel myself getting over certain things a lot faster than I would have in the dust which is a good feeling.