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This weekend our outdoor trip took us to Moab in Southern Utah. This place has a lot of meaning to me. Moab was the very first place I went to in my recovery when I was only a day or two sober. This just happened to be the first trip the wilderness program I was in elected to go to. This place symbolizes a lot of struggle to me as this is where I went through the worst stages of my detox. Then I couldn’t enjoy anything. I couldn’t enjoy then even being still, let alone hiking or scenery. When we first entered Moab I almost felt sick for a moment as I briefly relived some of my more painful experiences there. However in my second to last week in wilderness I did return to feeling better but still hindered by the uncertainty the future held at that time. Now I feel so much healthier in so many more ways: Physically, Mentally, Spiritually. There aren’t words that can describe the change I have undertaken since then. It’s funny because I don’t necessarily notice many of the changes as they have happened gradually over time. It’s good to be able to really see many of them as a whole by coming to this place. On our second day we went to Arches National Park where I spent my first day of Detox in the past. I led everyone to many of the places I had been to in the past and could now look at them in a more appreciative way. At first seeing some of these spots made me feel strange instead of happy, however over time I started to come out of it. Interestingly enough one of the staff had these cards she packed that help you pick your spirit animal. It was fitting that we did it in a place where my recovery was born. Ironically one of the animals that was picked was the bat which is an ancient Indian symbol of rebirth into a new consciousness. It was a symbol for those becoming Shaman who must allow their old selves and old beliefs to die and be laid to rest so that this higher self and purpose can be born free from the past. It seemed all too perfect that this animal came up on a trip here and it was extremely reassuring. I couldn’t help but think this was a subtle message from my higher power.