Table of Contents
Getting to Know Myself at Back 2 Basics Sober Living.
In the next two months I am trying to learn a lot about myself. I have realized since being in the program that I know very little about myself and what is best for me. First off, if I knew how to live, then I for sure would not have come to rehab. There is a reason that I am here and that it isn’t my first treatment. I can try to convince myself that I could figure out life if I just tried harder, but that is a lie. I just simply do not know how to live by doing my own will. I didn’t know how to live, didn’t know what was best for me and I didn’t know who I was. All three of these factors are why I was moving nowhere in life and needed help. It is tough for me to admit this today because my ego tells me not to, however, it also allows me to grow. I realize that discovering who I am is such an important part of my work here. Part of discovering myself begins with me being brutally honest with myself. I need to be rigorously honest with how I feel and what I want in order to be available for change. If I can be truly honest with myself without ulterior motives then I believe that I am trying to progress in order to be successful later in life. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to be successful and happy. I just need to trust in the program that it will help get me there. At this point, Back to Basics is the best place for me and this place is helping me build the foundation to who I am and my life.
For these next two months until my graduation, there are a few things I know I need to work on. One of these obstacles is my ego. Breaking down my ego is very important for my progress. My ego prevents me from being 100% honest with myself, it prevents me from looking vulnerable or weak to others and tries to convince people that I am ok the way I am. If I can break down my ego I can expose my true self and begin some good work on myself.
I also realized that my communication skills need work. I have discovered and pointed out that I do not communicate well with others about my headspace or feelings. For example, if I am in a bad mood or feeling anxious, I need to learn to break my ego and go talk to someone. Sharing my thoughts and emotions better will allow me to relieve stress that I keep in my head. Talking to others is such an important thing in recovery and for clearing my head that I truly need to learn it. If I can learn this, then I feel like I can remove a ton of stress from my head.
Another thing I found out I need to work on is my mindfulness skills. This has been a struggle for me as a person long before drugs ever came into the picture. For as long as I can remember, I have never been able to stay in the present and not worry about the future. I think my lack of mindfulness has been a huge issue for me and needs to be addressed. When I continue to worry about the future then I can get overwhelmed in my head and build stress and ever caused depression. Being stressed out and/or depressed is obviously a terrible place to be. It affects my thoughts and actions when I am in this type of head space. So, for the next two months I really want to practice being more mindful of myself and staying present!
There are also things I need to work on outside of myself. I would really like to continue working the steps to my best ability because I believe they are important. I would also like to come up with some good relapse prevention tools for different situations. It would be cool if I had an arsenal of tools I could use to counter cravings. I already have learned some, but I would like to have a solid arsenal and learn some more. Finally, I want to keep working hard on my body and fitness. It sounds minuscule to other things, but it keeps me engaged day to day. It keeps me focused on a task and working toward a goal. Finally, it makes me feel good too, and feeling good sober is invaluable.
Overall, there is a lot for me to work on. I have a lot of internal and external obstacles I need to work on and overcome. If I can work on all these issues mentioned then I believe I will build a solid foundation to life sober, and I can be happy.