As someone who was new to sobriety, leaving recovery had its appeal in the beginning.
For part of this week I’ve really been struggling as I’m exposed to a new way of life living sober. It’s called reality, but my reality in the beginning was still living in my old self.
Everything seemed to take forever and everything people asked me to do… I didn’t want to. Days seemed to last forever and people seemed almost intolerable. After a few days it got so unbearable and I decided to take the one suggestion I had heard the most so far since I entered the Back 2 Basics Sober Living program– pray and meditate.
So, I decided to pray and meditate one morning and that day it turned out was my easiest day here. Everything I was supposed to do was easy and it didn’t seem like I was being told to do something. I even went out of my way to do things that needed to be done but weren’t asked me. I found enjoyment in a lot of simple things and the stuff that had previously been annoying me. It has been easier to stay grounded and present lately as well.
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Explore What We Can Do →It is a strange feeling to look back to when I got here and even before. The change that I’ve already made is something I didn’t expect to happen even within the full six months. The community at this place is something I have really come to appreciate. Everyone helps one another but at the same time you are held accountable for yourself and your actions. That alone had helped me to grow. Every person here, clients, transition, and staff included bring something to the community that makes this program truly one of a kind.
I don’t really think I could have become this willing to change my life anywhere but here at Back 2 Basics and I am really grateful for that.
When we return from our outdoor adventure therapy trip we will be getting three new people by the end of the week. It will be nice not being the newest person but also a good refresher to remind myself how I came into this program. Though I hope none of them try to leave, I do look forward in a strange way to giving the same warning as was given to me when I left. When I was told I was making a stupid choice, that I was full of B.S. and that if I leave I had a good chance of just going out and dying, I didn’t believe any of it. So, I left and the first two were definitely right and I came way too close to number three. I just hope that if one of them does try to leave they can be persuaded not to because they might not be as lucky as me and make it back.
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Get in Touch →Coming back here was one of the best choices I have ever made. When I left I had accepted that I was going to jail or going to die from my addiction. It seemed okay and normal to me.
Looking back on when I thought about leaving recovery, I realize how warped my thinking was. Having a clearer head now is a much different way of thinking I am more hopeful, happy, and willing. I just hope these new people coming in stick around long enough to get that experience too. Now that I have seen that possibility in myself I could never leave recovery again, I can never go back.