If I am being honest with myself, internally I’m not doing too hot. I’ve been in residential for 7 months and 1 day so far with no idea when I am even potentially getting out. I am feeling burnt out, everyday just kind of seems hopeless. I am doing my best and it does not seem like I am getting anywhere with moving on and progressing my life at all. I feel like i have been doing everything the staff asks of me and yet still nothing, no word at all about moving on. People joke about me being a permanent client and to be honest it is kind of starting to feel like that and it really sucks. All I feel like I can do is just keep doing what the staff says and pray that I can move on. They say they don’t know if I want sobriety and it pisses me off so much because if I didn’t want this I would leave and hustle some money and get a bus ticket back to Indiana and once I’m there I would be set – but I don’t because I WANT THIS. I’m done screwing up and being so mad that I’m still alive, I’m done hurting people both mentally and physically, I’m done with everything that comes with ‘drugs’. I am just done.
Client Journal